The Patient Gamer

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The Patient Gamer
Patient Gamer.jpg
The Patient Gamer Thumbnail
YouTube Link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wiMyCzezfTg
Date Released June 19, 2017
Length 2:45
Game N/A

The Patient Gamer is a sketch about gamers that play old games for financial reasons.

Description: "The longer you wait, the cheaper they get. That's just logic."


Characters[edit]

Actor Character
Kyle Sullivan Himself
Ian Conn Himself/Patient Gamer

Synopsis[edit]

The video begins with Ian playing Assassin's Creed 1, assassinating a guard from the back. Kyle, who was looking through the DM Wiki, turns around and asks for what he is playing. Ian, still with his eyes glued to the screen, answers that it is this new "Assassin's Creed thing". Kyle initially gets confused by the response before realizing that it is, in fact, AC1. Snooping through Ian's stack of game boxes, Sullivan comments that he has a lot of old games.

Ian explains that he waits for the price to drop to something reasonable before buying it used. Kyle, now outraged, protests that they are a decade old, and asks for what is a "reasonable price" for him. Conn responds that it is 2 dollars.

Sullivan argues that he should pirate them, but Ian claims that he actually has respect for the developers. Kyle counters him, though, and says that not only the developers aren't getting his money, since he is buying them used, but he also should just get them in a Steam Sale. Conn responds saying that he is more comfortable with physical copies. Exasperated by the situation and with his hands in his face, Kyle comments that it's "like talking to 2007".

Sullivan decides to at least help him and starts to give him advice about the future: HL3 isn't a thing, but Duke Nukem Forever is and it is terrible. There will be many more Assassin's Creed games, but he should only get every other game. Things that Ian should avoid are the Kinect, the Ouya and EA. Early Acess is generally not worth it and Peter Molyneux is a false prophet. PCs are worth investing in, and Minecraft is the new thing. Mass Effect 3 is not good, and SEGA gets even worse. Finally, Kyle tells him that one day, there will be a game that breaks all expectations of what is possible and lets him explore vastly different planets and change them. It is a game that he has ever dreamed of, and it is... really awful.

Ian, disappointed, asks if he is talking about Spore. Kyle gets surprised and taken aback by this, realizing that that has happened twice. Conn then asks about Skyrim, and if it is worth buying. Sullivan responds that it is fantastic, and that he just pre-ordered it for the fourth time.

The sketch ends.

Explained Jokes[edit]

  • Both Half-Life 3 and Duke Nukem Forever were highly anticipated sequels for popular games. While HL3 never came out, Duke Nukem Forever eventually did, and due to changes of developers and poorly made decisions, it ended up being really below expectations.
  • Peter Molyneux is a video game designer infamous for issuing over-enthusiastic descriptions of games under development, which are found to be somewhat less ambitious when released.