Elite Dangerous: Pad Hog

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Elite Dangerous: Pad Hog
Elite Dangerous: Pad Hog Thumbnail
YouTube Link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6c69WhXtXo
Date Released August 20, 2018
Length 4:28
Game N/A

Elite Dangerous: Pad Hog is a sketch that revolves around a veteran commander dealing with a novice player, due to the latter taking up a pad in a space station.

Description: "Never get in the way of an honest Commander's time bonus."


Actor Character
Kyle Sullivan Veteran Commander
Joey Basham Newbie
Ethan Gelinas Station AI
Ian Conn FPR Host


The sketch begins with a ship approaching the Morin Hub, while the Federal Public Radio Host talks in his show. After getting close enough to the station, the Commander in charge of that ship stops and sends a docking request, which is denied. After hearing the notification about this, the pilot tries pressing the button several more times, to no avail. Frustrated, he asks for what is going on, to which the base AI responds by saying that they are experiencing heavy traffic. The Commander, however, tells it that he's on a time limit, and moves his ship forward. The AI, noticing his actions, warns him that lethal response will be authorized in 5 seconds. The pilot promptly backs away.

After this exchange, the Commander says that he'll patiently wait for his turn, before frantically pressing the "Send Docking Request" button again and again. While doing this, he sees a docked ship, and begins a call with its pilot. It is revealed that the man in charge of said ship is actually a newbie, who is still choosing between various spacecrafts. The Veteran Commander tries to argue that the bigger stations have more ships, but the newcomer says that he's nervous of taking off, due to him not remembering all of the keyboard controls. The veteran gets a bit more frustrated, and continues by telling the newbie about how he's hogging the space he needs to finish his time limited delivery. The Commander ends his sentence by bringing out his guns, though quickly backs away from this option after hearing the AI's lethal response countdown again.

While all of this happens, the novice player browses through different options and possibilities, like paint jobs and decorations. The experienced player, seeing no other choice, decides to help the newbie by advising for the red ignition paintjob. The newcomer makes further questions such as which weapon color does the most damage, which decal represents the good guys, and which cockpit voice should he choose. The Veteran answers the first two by saying that they don't matter, and the last one with "Celeste". When the novice pilot is almost leaving the pad, he realizes that he can customize his character, yelling in awe.

After hearing this, the Veteran completely loses patience, threatning the newbie by telling him that he will hunt him down with his Vulture and hire bounty hunters to act as ringmembers to chase his ship until he runs out of fuel and spirals into a neutron star. After that, they would stay in that system and destroy anyone who even tried to help him. The novice finally decides to leave, but immediately crashes into the base and gets destroyed by the Station AI, who states that lethal response was authorized. The veteran player stays silent for a moment, in shock, before pressing the request button again and being accepted into the hub.

The sketch ends.