Civ 5: The Great War

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Civ 5: The Great War
YT Civ5GreatWar.jpg
Civ 5: The Great War
YouTube Link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MNeOrpYULg
Date Released October 10, 2016
Length 5:41
Game Sid Meier's Civilization 5

All the Civ 5 videos were coalesced into one video.

Description: "In this highly educational fake documentary, we take a look at the largest war in alternate history!"

Main Characters[edit]

Actor Character
Kyle Sullivan Swedish Archaeologist
Ian Conn Ottoman Historian
Ethan Gelinas Narrator, Soldier
Allison Devery Ramesses II

Synopsis[edit]

The sketch begins with Ethan quoting Gustavus Adolphus. An Ottoman Historian and a Swedish Archaeologist then begin to talk about the wars and about all the small things that could cause one, such as mistaking a spearman for a barbarian or not seeing a border through the fog. However, The Great War was unlike any of the other wars that were fought.

Despite minor disagreements and rivalries, the nations of the world were thriving during the Renaissance Era, representing a golden age for many Civilizations. Suleiman, however, had aspirations of capturing all the cities of the world. Meanwhile, in Cheeseland, the Swiss were demanding whales from their government, and Gustavus, ignoring Suleiman's warning that he would attack anyone who settled near him, created the city of New Cheeseland after noticing a prime whaling spot near one of Suleiman's cities. Suleiman kept his word and began to attack New Cheeseland, claiming to want the resources. Sweden's allies came to his aid and before anyone knew it, the whole world was at war.

Tensions only escalated once religions began to get involved and Denouncing Venice became popular overnight, but many were still devout Boat Mormons. The war raged for centuries and many alliances were made and broken. Trade deals became a method of mockery. It was beginning to seem like the war was never going to end or change, until Gandhi acquired nukes and began blowing everyone up, starting with Venice. The world leaders met in secret to plot a defense against his attacks. Nuclear weapons only escalated the war and using them became common place.

At this point it wasn't uncommon to see people shooting arrows at a tank. Some believe this to be a cause of the technology gap caused by the war, but the Archaeologist believes that it was because people were just using whatever they had left. Everyone began scrambling to find a solution to the war - Russia was working on a secret project, Venice was attempting to diplomatically unite the world governments, Sweden and China were at each other's throats, Egypt was fine throughout all this, and crabs were banned. The war had gone on for so long that no one knew why anything was happening any longer. Russia eventually completed their secret project and Catherine The Great, along with a large portion of her population, went to space. Russia was deemed the winner of the war after twelve centuries simply because the weren't around anymore. The narrator goes on the question whether anyone had truly won and comes to the conclusion that no one did. Except, of course, Egypt.

The sketch ends.

References[edit]

  • Cities could spring up really easily. In Civ 5, Rome was indeed built in a day.
  • Golden ages are a technical thing in Civ 5: Production and Gold bonuses, and culture bonuses with certain DLC
  • Demanding whales is the main joke of Civ 5: We Love The King Day
  • "Don't settle near me": something players can tell AI, and the AI can tell players.
  • Cities can't actually be settled that close together without mods. There need to be at least 3 tiles between cities, as any user of Infinite City Sprawl will tell you. The narrator says 3 away, but the picture clearly shows only two hexagons between the cities.
  • "Crabs are banned for some reason" is a reference to Civ 5: World Congress
  • The Desert of Russia: Russia has a Tundra Start Bias, but anyone can settle anywhere on land that isn't on a mountain. (Unless you play Civ Beyond Earth: Rising Tide, then you can build cities on water, too).
  • Fight Aliens, hostile terrain: This is a dig at Civ Beyond Earth.
  • Russia and Eygpt are considered winners in the Civ 5 game due to
    • Russia wins by Science Victory
    • Egypt wins by Cultural Victory