Boss Monster Thumbnail
|Date Released||August 21, 2017|
Boss Monster is a sketch about staying competitive in the world of boss dungeons.
Description: "The owner of a classic roguelike dungeon struggles to stay competitive."
|Ian Conn||The Accountant|
|Kyle Sullivan||Boss Monster|
The sketch begins with the Accountant giving the Boss Monster the numbers for this quarter. He tells him that they've been getting fewer customers, low treasure turnover, a lot of complaints, and Dungeon of Doom is now ranked second behind Dragon's Maze. Boss Monster tells him that their dungeon is much better than Dragon's Maze, but the Accountant tells him that they're now according to numbers or opinions. The Accountant tells Boss Monster that Dragon's Maze appeals to a younger crowd by drawing them in with the promise of wealth and glory before crushing it. Boss Monster tells him that they also do that with their skeletons, spikes, and collapsing bridge traps. The Accountant tells him that adventurers aren't looking for scary and deadly anymore and that they want to go to a dungeon they think they can beat.
He also tells Boss Monster some of the complaints, such as they don't have enough loot, the rooms are too unpredictable, and the save points need to be cleaned. Boss Monster tells the Accountant that the point of a dungeon is to be hard to get through. The Accountant responds by telling him that people expect a greater reward with greater challenges because it's not worth risking their lives otherwise. He then tells Boss Monster about price matching, to which he believes that it's the stupidest thing he's heard the Accountant say. He then asks about the brave adventurers who would risk it all for one enchanted sword. The Accountant informs him that they all died. Boss Monsters asks the Accountant if it really was that bad, as he was a customer once. He tells him it wasn't the greatest experience because he's now dead and then he was brought back to life to work in the dungeon. He then goes on to tell Boss Monster of the complaints from the workers, such as all the work place hazards, and the lack of workers's compensation or health insurance. Boss Monster informs him that he and everyone else in the dungeon are already undead so he doesn't need to worry about health insurance. The Accountant tells him that he's discriminating against the living and that Dragon's Maze give adventurers a diverse group of employees to fight. He also tells him that they have newer and fancier traps, more treasure, and optional adjustable difficulty levels. He then tells him that if he wants to stay competitive he's going to have to change. Boss Monster responds by telling him they'll just re-brand as "the dungeon that isn't for pansies" and renames the dungeon "Dark Souls."
The sketch ends.
- Dark Souls is a notoriously hard game series.